


35% Harder

by ProgramasaurusRex



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-06-02 12:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19441039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProgramasaurusRex/pseuds/ProgramasaurusRex
Summary: "Calm down," said Jared. "I've just noticed that your friendship with Connor seems kind of one-sided. You're always talking about his drug problems, but you never talk about your problems."Evan gulped. "My problems?"





	1. Chapter 1

Jared looked up from his computer. "There's something wrong with these emails," he said.

"What's that?" asked Evan. "Continuity mistakes? Vocabulary too similar to mine? Oh no. No no no. They're going to find out!"

"Calm down," said Jared. "I've just noticed that your friendship with Connor seems kind of one-sided. You're always talking about his drug problems, but you never talk about your problems."

Evan gulped. "My problems?"

Jared pulled his feet up on Evan's couch. "Yeah. You're supposed to be best friends. His parents want to see that he was a good guy with friends. So, we need to show him caring about you, too."

"Well," said Evan, "I guess that's true. What kind of problems should I have?"

"You shouldn't make up more than you need to," Jared advised. "A good lie always has a grain of truth. Just talk about your actual life, and I'll write back a nice, supportive response from Connor. The Murphys probably have a good idea already what your major life issues are."

Evan looked over. "What do you mean by that?"

Jared inclined his head. "Well ... you know. Absent dad, semi-absent mom, anxiety so bad you need to see a shrink ... You're not exactly Fort Knox, Evan. Anyone who's spent time around you would've noticed those at least."

Evan nodded slowly and breathed in. "All right. Here goes."

He let out his breath.

"Any time now," said Jared.

Evan tried again. "Dear Connor Murphy. Today wasn't a great day at all. I had a panic attack in Precalc when Mrs. Pohl called me up to write a homework problem on the board. My mom was supposed to stay home for once and make us dinner, but she forgot. She keeps saying she's there if I need her, but it doesn't feel like it. And I found out my dad's having another kid. I haven't seen him in six months now. I was hoping I could visit him and we could go hiking, but with a baby he probably won't have time. Not that he did before the baby either. I don't know, Connor, sometimes I just feel ..."

Abruptly he looked up, remembering where he was.

"Unwanted?" Jared supplied gently. "Lonely? Lost? Ready to blow your brains out?"

Evan's face flushed as he looked away from Jared.

"No, this is good. This is exactly what we need," said Jared. "Only it's supposed to be last year, so we need to change some of the time specific things in case they come up later. So change it to your dad thinking about having a kid, and change Precalc to Trigonometry."

Evan frowned. "How did you know?"

"What, I pay attention to you sometimes when you talk about your life," Jared said. "Okay. Dear Evan Hansen. That sucks. Please let me know what calms you down during a panic attack so I can be prepared if you have one when we're together. Your mom sounds like she's trying her best, but it must hurt not to have her around. Your dad sounds like he's not worth the effort you're putting into trying to have a relationship with him. Know that I am here if you ever want to talk. I know you would prefer if we could talk in school and have lunch together and just generally be friends in public, and I feel like a total asshole for not being willing to do that for you. It's just, you know, I'm afraid it would ruin things. I act different in front of people. Last summer at computer camp, I made friends with this guy, and he was really cool, but as soon as some mouth breather started calling us gay for each other, my friend totally ditched me. Said I was too clingy and I needed to get some self awareness. So I've been trying to play it safe."

Evan looked back over. "Hang on, computer camp? Connor didn't ..."

Jared smiled wryly. "I know what you want, Evan. What you want me to be. And I'm sorry I'm not that. I'm sorry I'm not a nice friend like fake Connor."

"Even fake Connor didn't want to be seen with me in public," Evan pointed out. "Jared I know I'm not entitled to ... to anything."

Jared shook his head. "Yeah, you are. You're entitled to better than me."

"I'm not really a good friend to you, either, though," Evan pointed out.

"Well," said Jared. "I guess we could ... try harder?"

Evan considered this.

"Not, like, too hard," Jared clarified. "Not matching T-shirts and friendship bracelets hard. Just, like, 35% harder. Like I remember to tell you about the Precalc homework assignment you missed because you were having a panic attack."

Evan smiled. "And once in awhile, you write me an email about your own life?"

Jared thumped him on the shoulder. "Deal."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Evan test out their new plan.

A week later, Jared caught up with Evan at the lockers as school was letting out.

"Hey, Evan, do you want a ride home?" Jared asked.

"Okay," said Evan.

They walked out to the parking lot, silently but together. As soon as they shut the doors to Jared's car, Jared spoke.

"So, uh ... 35% harder, we said, right?"

"Right," Evan confirmed.

Jared turned on the car but didn't start driving. Awkwardly, he rubbed sweat off of his neck. "Does that mean ... uh ... can I talk to you about something? Something going on in my life?"

Jared looked and sounded like a totally different person than the person who insulted Evan every morning.

"Yeah," said Evan.

Jared frowned. "Really?"

Evan turned in his seat to face Jared. "I mean ... yeah. Yes. It's ... this is a little weird and new, but in a good way. You should ... we should tell each other about things."

Jared still looked ready to pass out. "Well, it's not as big a deal as I'm making it sound, I guess. It's just that my parents told me I would never have the discipline to make it in college if I went away to school, and I should just stay home and go to community college instead."

"Wow," said Evan. "That's ... awful. My mom's never said anything that negative to me."

"Yeah, I don't know if they mean it or they're just trying to scare me, but it doesn't feel great either way," said Jared.

"It's not true," Evan told him. "You know how to work hard when you want to, when it's something you care about. Like computer stuff. And that's what you're going to be doing in college, right?"

Jared exhaled. "Thanks, man. It doesn't seem as bad now that it's not just rolling around in my brain."

"No problem," said Evan.

Jared drove Evan home. On the way, they chatted about a few other things.

\----

A few days later, Evan came up to Jared at the end of the day.

"Hi," said Evan, pulling on his own sleeve.

Jared gave him a calming look. "Hey, what's up?"

"I got put on a new medication yesterday," said Evan. "And it's kind of messing me up. I can't sleep or sit still. It's probably going to take a week or two to adjust."

Jared reached out and put a hand on Evan's shoulder. "That sucks," he said sincerely. "I haven't had my meds changed since last year, but I remember how bad it was."

"You're on some kind of mental health medication, too?" Evan asked.

Jared nodded. "I don't like to talk about it, because it's just one more thing people who don't like you can hold over your head. But ... yeah. I get it. Now come on, let's get out of here."

Jared drove Evan home again.


End file.
